Fear

I was forced to take swimming lessons when I was 9 years old. At some point we were instructed that we would be jumping off the diving board. The diving board, looming at the far end of the pool, sent waves of fear into my heart. My hope was that Missouri would have a rash of lightning storms everyday through the end of the summer and us little swimmers would never have to come face to face with the diving board.

The lightening phenomenon never occurred to my dismay and eventually the day came to face my fear. I climbed that ladder; anxiety building with every step. And then my eyes met the diving board. A classmate was taking her turn. My heart was pounding while thinking “why should jumping off a diving board have anything to do with swimming lessons?” We often tend to question why things are happening when we are scared or don’t understand. But, despite the questions in my mind, it seemed to be that this nightmare was coming true. My classmate, who I thought was a very brave peer, jumped. I did not see the impact of feet to water, but I heard the splash as I placed one foot on the diving board.

I slowly walked to the edge of the board and peered into the pool. The floating face of my instructor was looking up at me. I asked if she was going to stay there for me. She said she would. I asked again in my frightened little voice yearning for her words to erase the fear inside of me. She reiterated that she would be right there. Finally, my feelings of embarrassment in front of everyone as I questioned this young girl (who I was sure by that point was sorry she took this summer job) overtook me and I jumped. Realizing, almost as soon as I began my descent, the teacher was making her way to the pool edge. I broke the surface and felt the rush of water as my body naturally floated upward. After a few seconds my head was bobbing above the water. Totally amazed that I survived the plunge, I swam to the side of the pool. I was devastated at the time as I felt my teacher did not keep her word, but I later realized that she knew I would float to the top and needed no assistance. Her assistance at that moment would only have hindered my “water oriented experience” and she needed to step away or in this case, swim away. She was nearby to encourage me when I needed it and stepped away when it was my turn to learn that I would make it on my own.

I’ve come to realize that some things we must experience alone. It’s so important for each one of us to have cheerleaders in our lives, but we must also realize that there are times when our loved ones and friends are not able to help us and the only one we can turn to is God. God surrounds us with brothers and sisters in Christ to encourage and bless us, but we must also be able to take certain steps of faith alone. (Taking those steps helps to increase our faith.) Christ was surrounded by people on his way to the Cross, but ultimately he was on his own. There are times in our lives when we can only depend on the Father above to carry us and we will flourish in the light of His love if we allow it.