Finding Me For the First Time

The title of this blog post was going to be "Finding Myself Again". I decided to change the title, cause I think I'm still in the process of finding me.  It seems to be an ongoing endeavor. I could liken it to uncovering layers of a rock or the earth.  I'm not sure if I just dodged who I was for so long because of the feelings I was denying, because I was trying to be someone I thought others wanted me to be or was just too naive to dig down and discover what made me tick.  I would guess it was a combination.  

Then in the early part of this journey of finding me, I got lost in love.  At first it was a good lost.  Giddy, happy, butterflies, can't wait to see the person, my life is perfect, "I've found the one" kind of lost.  Quickly the being lost in love turned ugly, a dark jungle, that I slowly found my way out of.  Learning each day how to be me, love me and accept me.  

As this 2016 election season unfolded, I found myself in another precarious situation.  I found myself hiding who I was in a different way.  I thought that I had come full circle, but I have more to learn.  Now I'm dealing with showing my conservative side to my "community".  This is tough.  Most are staunch liberals.  I call myself a libertarian which is a huge change for me.  There are still several conservative beliefs I hold currently.  I have lesbian friends I hold dear and I support their opinions, even the ones I don't agree with, but, I fear they will never understand my stance. I guess understanding isn't necessary to love, but it's always been hard for me to believe if I was different I was still ok. I've struggled with being understood my whole life. My parents still don't understand the gay thing and now here I am feeling like I'm not being understood on my side of the fence.  Even though it's hard, one has to be true to themselves no matter what.  You must embrace your authentic self regardless of how difficult it may be.  

We are all constantly changing and growing, I hope.  I know I'm not who I was, even last week, because so many things in this life, should have a profound effect on you.  I am still learning how to see through a less conservative lens.  I am opening my mind to views and others experiences and trying to embrace how certain things make them feel.  We should never stop being open to change. We should not live in a bubble.  If you live in a bubble, never open to what others are saying or feeling, you will never grow.  I don't want to be that person.  That person only sees in black and white, they never put themselves in someone else's shoes or try to walk even a block in them.  

We may seem so different on the outside, but we all have the same needs.  The need to feel safe, to be loved, to be accepted, not just tolerated.   Why do so many seem to have an innate sense of fear regarding people that are different and not like-minded.   A friend recently shared with me that "you opened my eyes so much when you told me your story".   This one small comment meant the world to me. It meant that at least one person came to understand where I was coming from and they were enlightened in some way.

Traci Davies 
9/16

Un-Stuck

Four years later...

We are back in present day (2014)...fortunately, I can say that I've finally found myself in a place of acceptance regarding who I am.  I have my days, but more often than not, I am at peace now.  This didn't occur through magic.  This was a long, fought journey.  Lots of prayer, tears, searching for healing and not finding it (cause there is nothing to heal!), listening to not-so-loving words of those who meant well, losing "friends" along the way because of who I am and ultimately accepting the grace of my Father in Heaven.  I would never wish this emotional journey on anyone else cause there are some that never reach the other side.  According to the CDC "A nationally representative study of adolescents in grades 7–12 found that lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth were more than twice as likely to have attempted suicide as their heterosexual peers".  Such a heart breaking statistic.  No one chooses to feel this way or desire the same sex.  They may choose to embrace it as a lifestyle, but why wouldn't they??  Who wants to be alone.  Very few people desire true solidarity.   If the tables were turned and all the heterosexuals were told, you must be single and celibate, then they would know how it feels.  

We are told by married individuals that God is enough and you can find your contentment in Him.  I understand that, in a perfect world, maybe.  But, I am a human who desires to love, be loved, touch and someone to understand who I am.  Is that so wrong?  We all sin every day and yet some sin is ranked more wrong than others.   It says plainly in the bible that one should not divorce, unless it's as the result of adultery and yet it happens time and time again and no one places a scarlet letter on the forehead of these individuals.  I would say that is more of a choice than what I deal with on a daily basis.  You CHOSE to marry, then you CHOSE to divorce, despite a covenant made before God.  

I used to be one of the judgmental, black and white Christians.  Being gay has helped me to stop judging as much and led me to embrace people, because we all have some sin in our lives, we all struggle with a weakness.   I wouldn't change a thing so that I might not tend to legalism.  It's sad we often times must be laden with such a thorn in order to have the cataracts removed from our eyes.    

My hope is that we can all learn to love more and stop focusing on the legalistic aspects of Christianity...That is what Jesus would do.  

-Traci Davies 

Concrete

The following was written by me sometime in 2010...

Someone layed concrete when I wasn't looking and now I'm stuck. Can't move forward, can only peer into what I think I see as my future. And now that I've caught a glimpse I'm not too eager to get there anyway. So it almost seems my "stuckness" serves me well right now. But I am doing my darnedest to twist around and look behind me and there seems to be a lot of carnage back there. Carnage I never would have dreamed awaited me as a child. I think I always subconsciously knew I was different when I was a teenager. Does everyone feel this way though? About 3 years ago it's like someone finally put a mirror up before me and I saw truly who I was. Now this wasn't a revelation of grand proportions. This was an "aha" moment like everything finally made sense. But what was I to do with the knowledge I now had.  The knowledge that had been lurking inside of me for years.  Being gay, that is.   That I continually pushed down, denied, never accepted the possibility of it's truth because I was a Christian for one. For two, I did not CHOOSE this. Three, it didn't feel right in my bones anyway, Christian or not. At least I don't think it did. Never had the earth move under my feet so to speak regarding dating boys. I could take it or leave it, mostly leave it if it was up to me. Take it only because it was among an ever lengthening list of societal mores as you inch toward adulthood. You know the list well...what will you be when you grow up, who will you marry, what college will you attend, etc. If you stray from this path, heaven have mercy on your soul. But, heaven, actually, does have mercy on our souls. It's all the humans walking around, the ones close to us, who "expect" certain actions and eventual outcomes, this is where mercy is lacking. Such a small word, expect, but what a great burden it can bear upon one's heart.

Anyway, I digress. I know I have high expectations of myself and others as well. It's not fair to them, this I know. It's not fair to myself either, because I rarely meet them and then I beat myself up. So not only do I beat myself up, but others are standing in line to beat me up as well. Though, not literally, but in my mind I picture this imaginary parade of individuals ready to ask me what happened. They didn't "expect" this...

Well, I'll be glad to share, "I didn't expect this either". It would have been the last story book plot I would have chosen had I been given a choice of "life scenarios". Well of course I would not have chosen disfigurement or terminal illness either, though sometimes it feels as if I'm terminally ill. Sexual orientation seems pretty innate to me. Regardless of what any teaching is about your sexual preference, that's what it feels like inside of you.

I'm not disfigured on the outside, but I'm twisted up inside so awfully that I wish it was more visible to others so that they knew what a struggle this is. But is this a selfish feeling? I know there are physically disabled people who don't want others pity for their situation. Do I truly want someones pity? Hmmm, I don't think so. I think I just desire understanding and acceptance. A belief that the situation truly exists, its not in my mind and I need to overcome it, it's not that I just haven't prayed hard enough for this thing to go away, it's not that the right one just hasn't come along. Even though deep down I hope there is someone out there who has the key to undo what got mixed up inside of me. See, even I see it as a negative thing, something that needs to change. But I so desire those who might understand and stand with me in the gap, the gap that leaves me longing for God, yet angry at Him for my situation. The gap that leaves my soul yearning for a new beginning. The gap that holds the brothers and sisters who feel as I do. The gap where judgement does not prevail.

You so desire for your truly traditional Christian friends to understand, but they don't and they never will. I'm sure they believe if i seek enough counseling and get all my spiritual ducks in a row, then it will all be fine. You have gay friends who have been where you are and encourage you to "keep prodding, things will get better, you'll come to terms". But will I? I don't see myself as eventually falling into either of these expected categories. So where does that leave me? Everyone wants to be known, understood, loved. Everyone desires a true group to fit in with, especially if you have no family (spouse, children) as your safe place. At least I do. That was one of my main fears in this life was to be on the outside looking in, alone, scared, by myself and it seems that for some reason God has landed me right in the exact spot I feared most.

With God anything is possible and I pray in my heart everyday that my life would change, that my heart and desires would change. That my fear would fall away and I might be a living testimony some day. Shall I hope for this or shall I expect this???

One is the loneliest number

Singleness is a gift from God - Shut your face!!  If you ever say those six words to me again, I'm going to punch you in the face.  Then you can say my fist was a gift from God, since He made it.  How would that be?  You might as well punch me when you says those words.  That's not how God works.  We are born, we grow up and yes I believe He does have a plan for each one of us, but sometimes life just doesn't work out how you hoped or you get stuck with baggage you never intended or people have free will and choose and you're not their choice.  Now, I can make choices that fill my life up and give of my time as God's servant.  But to not fall in love and experience that deep love and bond with someone is missing one God's greatest gifts.  I listen to so many women complain about their husbands.  Why are you married then?  Why did you choose this person to spend the rest of your life with if you are not grateful for having them every day?   You have someone to come home to.  Someone that knows you better than anyone else.  You have dates for national holidays.  You have a date for weddings!  There is someone to vent to when you are upset.  You have a person who can drop you at the door at a store and make errands go so much faster.  You automatically have a second rider for a roller coaster.  You have someone to use all the buy one, get one free coupons with.  This world is built around couples.  And Christmas time is the worst to endure by yourself.   I've always prayed for a best friend I could spend life with, travel with, enjoy and talk with, explore and grow spiritually together.   May God answer my prayer.  So, you'll excuse me if I don't accept my "gift" with open arms.

The Land of Loss and Grief

The land of loss and grief is an arid and lonely land.  You stay parched emotionally despite the words of comfort and loving touch you receive.  You travel the dry land searching for some sign of hope that will make every thing better or turn back the hands of time.  We pray for this miracle so we can do or say or be more than we were when the calendar reflected a time when that one in our lives was still present. When they were next to us, a fellow soldier in this crazy life.  Along the journey in this dessert you do see mirages, they lift your spirits temporarily until you realize they aren't real and nothing's changed in the scenery.  Grief runs the emotional spectrum.  It gives you a peek into a spiritual chasm that one minute you want to jump in to and the next moment you want to run away from.  I believe it can make you a better person or it can make you to be a person you don't even want  to look at in the mirror.  But, it's our choice which person we choose to become...

No Boob Tube...Day 37

Actually I've not had any boob tube for over a year as the tv I have doesn't have a picture tube, as most are nowadays.  So I guess we need a new slang term for the good ole television. Ok, wow, what a change I've experienced.  I don't have an automatic knee jerk reaction to turn the television on as soon as I get home or eat or come home later at night after being out with a friend.  I'm excited about this change.  I can hardly believe I'm almost done with the fast.  Amazingly, I'm almost worried about getting my freedom back as I'm afraid I'm going to throw away my time.  So I am going to figure out this week how I plan to let tv back in to my life.  It cannot have full reign of my time!!  I refuse to be ruled by a piece of technology in my house.  And it's pretty wild, I seem to fill my time just fine without that box...humming in the background.  In fact I think I probably have been more productive than I used to be. There were many more stressors than usual throughout this journey that I never anticipated.  They made me want to turn on the tv and escape right into it to forget all about everything happening.  I had to turn to God more, I was forced.  How sad to have to be forced into the arms of the one who cares the most and can do the most in remedying my hurt and concerns.  The hardest things can have the most profound effect upon ones life. 

Auto pilot...Day 1

Ok folks, well here I am.  I've put tv on the back burner for awhile, in addition to Facebook.  The 2 greatest time suckers and wasters in my life I believe.  I made a pact with a friend to do this for 40 days and nights just like Jesus did in the desert.  Here I am less than a couple hours in to my first evening and of course my knee jerk reaction was to turn the tv on while making dinner.  Isn't it crazy what becomes a habit in our lives.  How is it that it seems so easy to make bad habits?  I mean it's almost like we are on auto pilot at times.  Auto pilot is very convenient, but it's not the safest mode of transportation, at least not 24/7 and definitely not during a storm.  I'd say that I'm definitely going through a storm in my life right now, so the last thing I should be running on is auto pilot.  I should be running "on God", He needs to be the pilot of my life.  So, I go through each day not thinking about what I do, just doing it...click on tv, go off about some person at work, getting road rage, watching some violent sex filled movie, no thought at all...filling my mind with garbage and spewing garbage.  Back and forth.  What a sad existence.  I was thinking today while making my dinner, kind of along the lines of what Dave Ramsey says "If you live like no one else today, later you can live like no one else".    So in terms of living my life, in order to change my life, I must change how I'm living day to day.  I cannot expect my life to change when I don't do anything different.  That's a definition of insanity right, doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting a different outcome each time?    Well, I'm done being insane!!

40

Is my life half over? I feel so much regret, longing, sadness for what never was and never will be. I remember saying when I was 25, "I don't want to turn around and be 40 having not lived and yet 40 is here. It arrived, yet uninvited. Though it's not as if I haven't lived. I've traveled and met lots of different kinds of people. My jobs have definitely been an experience. I've had the privilege to meet people and hear stories that have given me perspectives I never knew before. I've grown through these unexpected acquaintances, as fleeting as some of them have been.

I am so blessed yet my heart aches for what I haven't had in my life...a love that makes my heart feel as though it may burst and become giddy at the thought of someone. The butterflies from their touch. A love that makes me want to give my whole being to someone else, to share my life with them, to become one with them. The happiness of having that person in my life to love and serve and be loved by them.

So....I've given myself to my work, as one might say. I give of myself most every day to strangers I rarely see again. I can only hope I've impacted their life in a positive way that will lead them to a better life or at least a time with less worry or pain. Is this the journey my God made me for? Is this the tour He expected of me? Is this His plan? Have I made Him smile...I hope. Have I made him proud...I can only pray I have and will continue to. So often times I feel he is frowning down at me, discouraged by my choices and performance. I pray for His guidance, comfort and a joy in my heart for the next 40 years or for however long I'm destined to be on this foreign soil.

Untouched

What happens without touch? I heard on the radio this week that each person should get at least 4 hugs a day in order to just "survive", let alone thrive. Wow, I'm seriously in a deficit in that area. I should have claimed bankruptcy years ago. I imagine others would find themselves in the same predicament. No bonds are formed, no touch exists regularly, people reach out sporadically through technology, but it's not the same. Now when we hear the word technology we think of progress, moving forward in our day to day lives. But is moving forward really a good thing? Who actually defines what moving forward means? It seems that the more things become technologically advanced, the less people in general are needed, which in turn results in less interaction. You cannot reach a sales representative on the phone. People are eliminated from the retail equation because of self-checkouts. We can check in at a computer at the airport. Will the next step be for a robot to actually bring me my food at a restaurant? So not only in the work place where we conduct business, but in our social lives as well, it seems, there will be a lack of personal contact. No personal letters received. No phone calls made. We only text, send email, post "statuses". Short blips of info spewed out to a person, friends and acquaintances, the world. We are too busy going here, doing this, doing that, being "busy". What are we producing that on our death bed we can hold on to? Communication by text, facebook, computer...such plastic communication. Plastic is cold and hard and has no character. Gone are the days of the personal touch. We are raising the first generation of kids who may never receive a letter in the mail and who may never read a book "from cover to cover" because they have the Kindle. Wow, that truly scares me. What will this full technological age bring besides lots of those who are untouched?

Are You on Life Support

Even though this expression has a negative connotation, shouldn't we all be on life support? Not physically but emotionally and spiritually? No doubt about it, we must definitely depend on our Father in heaven, but we also are in dire need of the support from our brothers and sisters in Christ. Spiritual siblings, whose hands are willing to hold us and hearts willing to love us and help us carry our burdens. We should not derive our significance and security from our family and friends, but their encouragement is irreplaceable.

Encouragement from others is like experiencing an emotional face lift. It's a jumpstart for the heart! It's the gift of courage and it doesn't cost anything for us to give and the rewards we reap are priceless. Building each other up is so important, because the way we treat each other has a domino effect on all those around us. And if we all focused on having servant hearts and hands, we would be one step closer to having the Lords Kingdom on earth.

We were not put on this earth to go it alone or endeavor for selfish desires alone. If one were to analogize and those that know me well, know I love a good analogy, here's how one might describe a person with no "life support". If a car does not have any gas, it goes nowhere. You might be able to tow it, role it or push it down a hill, but eventually it will stop going forward without the energy source it so desperately needs. I believe that's what encouragement is for humans. We may get towed along by lifes current or pushed down by rough times or drug along by the pressures of life, but we will not go very far without love in action on our behalf. We all know how expensive gas has become, but yet I don't believe one can even put a price on encouragement or love in action toward others.

Price of a gallon of gas $2.50
Price of the car we are riding in $15,000
The ones that are in the car with us, choosing to join us on the ride through lifes journey...PRICELESS

Faith is...

Waiting on God, when the only thing you desire is to get involved and "take care of it" by yourself.

Resting in God, when everything in you wants to take control and keep saying or doing until things are better or how you think they should be.

Seeking the Lord in prayer, instead of seeking out friends to complain to or spending time alone worrying.

Leaving it in His, more than capable, hands instead of analyzing the problem to death in your mind to try and fix it.

Worshipping and trusting in our Lord and Saviour.

Life

Life is a chance to stretch your wings. Sometimes stretching hurts, but as our wing span grows it helps us to cover others around us and strengthens our muscles in order to lift us to greater heights.

Guardian Angel

Behold, an angel, arms open wide.
The protective shield, she shall provide.

She guards you through the night; or wherever you may roam.
Sometimes she must go to great lengths, so you will arrive safely at home.

Foolish, though we might be, she's with us all the while;
Sheltering us from the harms of the world, mile after mile, after mile

Next time you breathe a sigh of relief, and say, "That was a close call";
look over your shoulder and smile. It was the angel that broke your fall.

-Traci J Davies

Drivers beware!

Turn signals I've learned throughout my driving "career" are seemingly quite the enigma. At least they must be because so many seem to have no clue how to use them, unless people are just passively rebelling against this safety mechanism.

It seems some drivers will come to almost a complete stop in the roadway and you think "hmmm, there must be a gaggle of geese crossing the road that I cannot see or a small child is playing jacks in the road. But, no, they just decided not to use one of the most important pieces of equipment on their motor vehicle.

If you'll bear with me I'll share a few more examples of this bad habit:

One of the most irritating of habits to me is the person who vears into the turn lane and THEN decides to flip his or her signal as they sit in the TURN lane. REALLY? I had no idea you were going to turn. Why waste the light bulb life if that is how you are going to use it.

Then there is the person who changes lanes without a turn signal on the freeway. Or they flip the signal but all you get is one blink which could be a trick of the eye or a break light.

The ever popular (I've been guilty a couple times due to blasting music in my car) having the blinker on for miles and miles and miles is good for a laugh. It's especially bad when they've had it on and then they turn the other direction and yet it stays on because they don't use their blinker.

Finally, there is the person who uses the turn signal but doesn't ease into the center turn lane or does but only partially. Just so you know, your whole car will fit. And for those who ease into the turn lane all to easily, the turn lane is not an extra traffic lane for a driver to fly down for 1/2 a mile. It's a lane to assist with turning into a parking lot or onto a street without causing the flow of traffic on the street to stop. This can be very dangerous if someone else needs to turn in the opposite direction or in the same direction, a rear or head on collision could be caused.

Now, with this recap, lets be careful out there!!!!

Doesn't that warp??

Ok, I live in a townhome and my garage door has always sounded awful and over the past year or so it's gotten worse and it shakes and thuds and now won't go up or down half the time. It's crazy. So while I'm in the process of trying to save my garage door, my father tells me this door is made of compressed wood. Then I find this certificate adhered to the bottom of the door. It says in so many words that there is a one year limited warranty and this door is made of "compressed wood". I don't know, maybe I'm loopy, but it seems to me that you really wouldn't want something made of compressed wood that would be subject to the "elements" or any type of moisture. Can we say cheap? Wow!! I can hear practically every garage door in my neighborhood go up and down. When was the last time you saw a compressed wood privacy fence??? You haven't!! Because compressed wood subject to the weather is ridiculous! All for companies to save a buck...

No more agreeing to disagree

I read in the news last weekend that The Obama administration is moving to rescind a federal rule that reinforced protections for medical providers who refuse to perform abortions and other procedures on moral grounds. I was astounded at this news. For one thing, isn't there enough on America's plate for Obama to be dealing with without digging up political statements to make? And ultimately, shouldn't it be a medical provider's choice as to whether they provide these services? A doctor performing an "elective" procedure such as plastic surgery can refuse to provide this service to a patient if he feels uncomfortable with the situation or the procedure. An example in the news recently was a doctor refusing plastic surgery to patients who smoke because of the possible negative side effects smoking can have on a patient post-surgery. So apparently it's ok when it's elective.



Reasons Women Choose Abortion (U.S.)
Wants to postpone childbearing: 25.5%
Wants no (more) children: 7.9%
Cannot afford a baby: 21.3%
Having a child will disrupt education or job: 10.8%
Has relationship problem or partner does not want pregnancy: 14.1%
Too young; parent(s) or other(s) object to pregnancy: 12.2%
Risk to maternal health: 2.8%
Risk to fetal health: 3.3%
Other: 2.1%


Source:Bankole, Akinrinola; Singh, Susheela; Haas, Taylor. Reasons Why Women Have Induced Abortions: Evidence from 27 Countries. International Family Planning Perspectives, 1998, 24(3):117–127 & 152 As reported by:The Alan Guttmacher Institute



According to the above statistics, abortion sounds fairly elective to me. Over 9o% of all abortions seems to be a means of birth control. I was floored by this statistic. I am embarrassed for our country. What a selfish nation we have become. I have always been pro-life, but also hesitant because I know there are some situations that the health of the mother or baby are at risk and probably because I'm not a mom I felt it wasn't for me to say what I might do since I've never been in that situation. But it seems that situation is actually a rarity, less than 6% of abortions are a result of the mom or baby's health being in jeopardy.


President Barack Obama reaffirmed his commitment to protecting abortion rights on the 36th anniversary of the landmark Supreme Court decision, Roe v. Wade, and said that it “stands for a broader principle: that government should not intrude on our most private family matters.”


So because a tiny life has no power within the mothers womb to raise his or her hand to defend it's self, it becomes a private family matter where the government doesn't interfere? It's pretty amazing how liberals in America will take a stand on cruelty to animals but it's a private matter when it comes to ending the life of a little one. How does one justify this? What ever happened to the doctors hippocratic oath "do no harm"?

Fear

I was forced to take swimming lessons when I was 9 years old. At some point we were instructed that we would be jumping off the diving board. The diving board, looming at the far end of the pool, sent waves of fear into my heart. My hope was that Missouri would have a rash of lightning storms everyday through the end of the summer and us little swimmers would never have to come face to face with the diving board.

The lightening phenomenon never occurred to my dismay and eventually the day came to face my fear. I climbed that ladder; anxiety building with every step. And then my eyes met the diving board. A classmate was taking her turn. My heart was pounding while thinking “why should jumping off a diving board have anything to do with swimming lessons?” We often tend to question why things are happening when we are scared or don’t understand. But, despite the questions in my mind, it seemed to be that this nightmare was coming true. My classmate, who I thought was a very brave peer, jumped. I did not see the impact of feet to water, but I heard the splash as I placed one foot on the diving board.

I slowly walked to the edge of the board and peered into the pool. The floating face of my instructor was looking up at me. I asked if she was going to stay there for me. She said she would. I asked again in my frightened little voice yearning for her words to erase the fear inside of me. She reiterated that she would be right there. Finally, my feelings of embarrassment in front of everyone as I questioned this young girl (who I was sure by that point was sorry she took this summer job) overtook me and I jumped. Realizing, almost as soon as I began my descent, the teacher was making her way to the pool edge. I broke the surface and felt the rush of water as my body naturally floated upward. After a few seconds my head was bobbing above the water. Totally amazed that I survived the plunge, I swam to the side of the pool. I was devastated at the time as I felt my teacher did not keep her word, but I later realized that she knew I would float to the top and needed no assistance. Her assistance at that moment would only have hindered my “water oriented experience” and she needed to step away or in this case, swim away. She was nearby to encourage me when I needed it and stepped away when it was my turn to learn that I would make it on my own.

I’ve come to realize that some things we must experience alone. It’s so important for each one of us to have cheerleaders in our lives, but we must also realize that there are times when our loved ones and friends are not able to help us and the only one we can turn to is God. God surrounds us with brothers and sisters in Christ to encourage and bless us, but we must also be able to take certain steps of faith alone. (Taking those steps helps to increase our faith.) Christ was surrounded by people on his way to the Cross, but ultimately he was on his own. There are times in our lives when we can only depend on the Father above to carry us and we will flourish in the light of His love if we allow it.

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;so many things seem filled with the intentto be lost that their loss is no disaster, Lose something every day. Accept the fluster of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.The art of losing isn't hard to master.Then practice losing farther, losing faster: places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel. None of these will bring disaster.I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.The art of losing isn't hard to master. I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent. I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gestureI love) I shan't have lied. It's evident the art of losing's not too hard to master though it may look like (Write it!) a disaster. -Elizabeth Bishop (1911-1979)

Mold can float...

Were you aware that mold can actually grow in a liquid? Now I guess I'd never really pondered this scenario before. But, today I went to the fridge, happily preparing to partake of some apple juice and poured a glass and then...to my suprise, there were things floating in it. Ok, can we say "gag". I quickly dumped the rest of the apple juice down the drain including my glass full. Disgusting, to say the least. Guess I'm just slow to realize this in my mid 30's.